FOUNDER REFLECTION: I Just Wanted to Coach…Not Become a Salesperson
The Resistance
I used to think I was doing “sales”—because technically, people were buying from me. But the truth? I was just showing up and being helpful. I wasn’t really selling. Not intentionally, at least.
Back then, I didn’t have to be good at sales. I was consistent with my marketing, and the online space was just... different. People would find me on LinkedIn or Google, book a free consultation, and by the time we got on a call, they were already halfway in. I’d build rapport (because let’s be real, that’s my natural superpower), and more often than not, they’d say yes.
I didn’t think of it as a sales process. It felt like connection. Like a conversation. And to be honest, I liked it that way—because owning that I needed to “sell” felt cringey. Like I’d be stepping into some weird pushy role I never signed up for. I didn’t become a coach to sell. I became a coach to serve.
But then the landscape shifted.
The online world got louder. AI tools exploded. Algorithms got stingier. People stopped landing in my inbox out of nowhere. Suddenly, being magnetic wasn’t enough. And the leads I was getting? They were soaking up all the free value—and ghosting. No commitment. No conversions. Just thank you and off they went to DIY their way through it.
It stung.
I started to realize that my old approach—show up, be generous, hope for the best—wasn’t cutting it anymore. Especially when I looked at how much I was overgiving. I’d coach, consult, and practically deliver the transformation during the discovery call, just to prove my worth.
Beneath it all was a swirl of unhelpful beliefs:
“I’m not good at sales.”
“I don’t want to force anyone.”
“I hate being pushy.”
But really? It was a lack of confidence in my own abilities. I couldn’t yet see myself the way others saw me.
The one thing I did trust was my intuition. I could feel—almost instantly—if someone was a fit. But instead of using that gift to lead the call with intention, I used it to lean back and hope. I asked thoughtful questions, listened deeply, and then tried to solve their problem right then and there. Because that’s what I was good at.
But as I would later learn… curiosity without direction? That’s coaching, not selling. And there’s a time and place for both.
The Inner Conflict — Coaching vs. Selling
When I became a coach in 2004, it wasn’t about business. It wasn’t about funnels or conversions or sales strategies. It was about impact.
Coaching, for me, was the next evolution of my own growth journey—a journey that began when I was 21 and never really stopped. I didn’t just want to help people. I felt called to. Coaching gave me a way to support others in creating real change in their lives and businesses. It was meaningful. Heart-led. Personal. That’s what lit me up. And that’s still what drives me today.
So when I was told I needed to “sell,” I didn’t push back. I retreated.
Because in my mind, a salesperson was the total opposite of everything I stood for.
Sales was…
– That aggressive guy who pitch-slapped me on LinkedIn.
– The cold emails that landed in my inbox from people who didn’t know anything about me.
– The sleazy used car salesperson following me around like a hawk, waiting to pounce.
It all felt manipulative, transactional, and totally disconnected from how I wanted to lead.
So instead of learning to sell in a way that felt aligned, I did what felt safer:
I hid behind my computer.
I marketed and marketed…
And hoped.
And prayed.
That someone—anyone—would just show up in my inbox ready to say yes.
But when they didn’t, I spiraled.
My confidence took a hit.
Impostor syndrome kicked in.
And the old stories got louder: “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
“I shouldn’t have to sell—my work should speak for itself.”
Meanwhile, on the few discovery calls I did land, I was still overgiving.
I used my coaching skills to ask thoughtful questions and build trust—but without any boundaries around my expertise. I’d dismantle their misconceptions, solve their problems on the spot, and pour so much value into that one conversation… that there was nothing left for them to hire me for.
And while I’m still proud of my honesty (and I’ll never stop telling people the truth), I can see now that some of that truth-telling—especially when it popped their bubble of how things “should” work—left them unsure, even nervous.
It was a pattern I couldn’t ignore anymore.
My pipeline was drying up.
I was exhausted from giving so much and receiving so little in return.
And that—quietly, gently—was when I knew something had to change.
The Reframe — Selling as Sacred Service
The turning point didn’t come from a webinar or a sales course.
It came from a conversation.
I met a guy in a community I was part of—just a regular networking chat. Nothing formal. No one was selling anything. We were just… connecting.
I liked him right away.
There was something about his energy—grounded, present, real—that felt aligned with how I wanted to do business.
We kept in touch. The relationship grew. And eventually, I hired him to coach me.
His name is Matt Biggar. And the way he approached sales was unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
There were no scripts. No pressure. No awkward transitions.
At the heart of his mentoring was one simple truth:
Sales is just connection.
It’s about being genuinely curious.
Asking the right questions—not to lead someone to a yes, but to help them lead themselves there.
Testing for commitment—not pushing for agreement.
Asking for permission before sharing your offer—not assuming it’s the right fit.
And only inviting someone in… if it truly feels aligned.
That was the first time I ever saw sales as something sacred.
Something that could actually feel good—for both people.
Suddenly, I had hope.
Hope that maybe there was a different way to do this.
A way that was heart-led, relationship-driven, and deeply aligned with how I’m naturally wired.
That shift gave me permission.
Permission to stop avoiding sales.
To admit I didn’t have the skills yet—and that it was okay to learn.
To show up differently on calls.
And to build a whole new approach to prospecting that actually fit me.
I stopped hunting for leads on social media.
I stopped hoping someone would magically book a call.
Instead, I started leaning into what I do best: building relationships.
I joined communities.
I met people one-on-one.
I attended virtual networking groups and had real conversations in small breakout rooms.
No pressure.
No pitch.
Just showing up to connect—and looking for that common thread.
That’s when things started to shift.
Not just in my business.
But in how I felt about sales, service, and my own value as a coach.
The Framework — My Natural Sales Approach
One of the most powerful shifts in my sales journey came from a single piece of advice Matt gave me:
When you’re on a networking call, focus on discovering who this person might be for you.
Are they a Connector—someone who might open a door to a client or visibility opportunity?
A Collaborator—someone you could co-create something beautiful with?
A Client—someone who might benefit from your services now or in the future?
Or… is there simply No Alignment? (Because let’s be honest—not every connection is meant to go somewhere. And that’s okay.)
That simple framework changed how I showed up.
I stopped looking at sales and networking calls like a short game.
Instead, I started seeing them as an investment in people.
So I got more intentional. I created a one-pager I could share with new connections—something clear and visual that showed who I am, what I do, and who I serve. Not a pitch. Just an invitation to know me.
I began treating these calls not as chances to prove my value, but as spaces to be fully present. To build trust. To look for resonance.
It became a long game.
A relationship game.
And that made all the difference.
I started doing things that used to feel terrifying—reaching out in the DMs, showing up in communities, learning how to talk about my work in a way that actually felt good.
I studied sales in a new way—not the hard-sell tactics, but the energetics, the psychology, the artistry. And I started practicing.
Yes, I have a cheat sheet taped to my computer.
A simple framework that keeps me grounded when I’m on a call:
Ask a present state question.
Ask a future state question.
Discover if they see their problem as worth solving.
Understand what they’ve already tried.
Test their commitment to solving it.
Ask permission before sharing my offer.
Extend an invitation—only when it truly feels aligned.
You’ll notice what’s not on that list:
❌ Giving away advice.
❌ Telling people what they “should” do.
❌ Proving my brilliance.
❌ Convincing or begging.
That’s not how I roll anymore.
The deeper shift has been energetic.
I’ve had to rewrite the internal script.
Trusting the timing. Trusting the Universe. Trusting that if I show up, do the work, and lead with intention, the right people will come.
I follow up a few times—and then I let it go.
No gripping. No desperation.
And most importantly?
I’ve put a hard boundary around giving free advice.
Because most people don’t need a free solution.
They need to be heard. To be seen.
To feel supported.
And that is what I do best.
The Impact — What Shifted in My Business
The biggest shift wasn’t just in my strategy.
It was in my energy.
I stopped chasing.
I stopped gripping.
I stopped trying to “win” someone over on a call.
Instead, I started leading differently.
From a place of confidence.
From trust.
From knowing who I am—and how I’m meant to serve.
The more I leaned into this new way of showing up, the more aligned opportunities started to unfold.
Collaborations blossomed.
Genuine friendships formed.
Clients began arriving—not because I hunted them down, but because they were ready.
Ready to stop trying to figure it all out on their own.
And when those clients show up now, something clicks.
I'm grounded. Intuitive. Clear.
I enter strategy mode with a fire in my heart and a deep desire to serve.
That’s when I do my best work.
As a Projector in Human Design, I’ve learned to trust the timing.
To show up in the right rooms.
To wait for the invitation.
And over and over again, invitations have come—often when I least expect them.
And now, I see sales differently.
Sales is service.
Sales is leadership.
Sales is solving a real problem with the right, aligned solution.
Sales is about relationships.
Yes, it’s also a numbers game and a timing game.
But at its core, it’s a long-term investment in people.
And that’s something I can stand behind.
Final Reflection — What I Wish I Knew
If I could go back and whisper something to my younger coach-self, it would be this:
Sales isn’t bad.
Even if you’re heart-centered. Even if you’re intuitive. Even if you’re creating deeply soulful work that changes lives.
There is a natural, aligned way to sell.
One that doesn’t feel pushy or performative.
It’s not about scripts or tactics.
It’s not about forcing anything.
It’s about finding the right solution for the right person.
It’s about connection. Timing. Truth.
It’s not personal.
And it’s never about rejection.
Yes, there are skills to learn.
But you don’t have to do it in a way that drains you.
You can build a way of selling that fits who you are—so long as you bring heart, clarity, and service to the table.
Own your magic.
Trust your value.
And believe—truly—that people will be transformed by what you offer… when they choose to invest.
Let’s Talk (No Strings, Just Heart)
If this hit close to home—if you’ve been wrestling with how to “sell” without losing your soul—just know: you’re not alone.
You don’t have to become someone else to grow your business.
You just need a way of connecting that feels like you.
I don’t teach sales, but I do know people who do. And I do believe in having real conversations about the hard stuff.
So if this is something you’re navigating, and you’d love to chat about it—just to connect, explore, or share what’s coming up for you—I’m here.
No pressure. No pitch. Just a human conversation.
💌 Reach out. Let’s connect.
About Lori Young
Lori Young is a certified business coach and soulful offer strategist for coaches, wellness experts and visionary thought leaders. With 20+ years of experience, she helps heart-led entrepreneurs turn their gifts into clear, aligned offers that clients can’t wait to say yes to. Lori blends intuitive insight with grounded business strategy to create momentum that feels good—and works. Her mission? To help you build a business that honors your energy, amplifies your impact, and leads to full-body yeses at every stage.
